Business one-liners 32

Seisline prayer: O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for thou knowest we will never change our minds.
Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.
Say no, then negotiate.
Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half-truths that are dangerous.
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don’t [...]

Robert Schmidt 08

Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, “I’ll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex.” Never found her, but when I got home my place was robbed.
I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.
Why doesn’t the fattest [...]

Business one-liners 08

All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.
All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.
All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. - Walt Disney
All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won’t.
All rights left. [...]

Steven Wright 09

What’s another word for Thesaurus?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.
My grandfather invented Cliff’s Notes. It all started back in 1912… Well, to make a long story short …
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done, so now I [...]

Letters from charities

I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.
The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer’s group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!

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Marriage quotes 14

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx
We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife [...]

Marriage quotes 05

Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. — Catch-22
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.
Don’t marry for money; you can [...]

What will the neighbors think?

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money.”

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Steven Wright [...]

I just managed to settle an account!

A young attorney who had taken over his father�s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I�ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”

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