Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe?
Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. — W. Somerset Maugham
Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they’re entitled [...]
If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it’s curtains!
Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just [...]
Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
Marriage is the sole [...]
All marriages are happy–it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems.
Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control.
Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn’t agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don’t love me nearly as much as [...]
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets [...]
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. — Guitry
Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t. — Borge
Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy.
An archaeologist is the best [...]
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: “When I’m dead I want you to marry farmer Jones.”
Wife: “No, I can’t marry anyone after you.”
Johnson: “But I want you to.”
Wife: “But why?”
Johnson: “Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!”
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Wife was [...]
The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.
It seems that in England, they had a men’s club, Bachelors’ Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.
The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, [...]
The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx
The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and [...]
I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. — Dick Martin
I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a [...]
