For a while I didn’t have a car… I had a helicopter… No place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running… [Slow glance upward.]
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I’m [...]
Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, “I’ll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex.” Never found her, but when I got home my place was robbed.
I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.
Why doesn’t the fattest [...]
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, “I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.”
Last year we drove across the country. We switched on the driving… Every half mile… We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip… I don’t remember what it was.
I [...]
The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.At the scene, the cop told the Marines to “cover” him as he approched the store (to police, “cover” means to point your weapons in the [...]
